The Post-Standard (Syracuse), May 27, 2007

The Post-Standard (Syracuse)

'Feminine Mistake' has moms talking
Sunday, May 27, 2007
By Gina Chen
Family Life editor
http://www.syracuse.com/poststandard/stories/index.ssf?/base/news-0/1180342597125880.xml&coll=1

When Melissa Newton, of Clay, read about "The Feminine Mistake," she says she was miffed at first.

Same for Babs Taeckens, a Manlius mom of three.

"On some level, it made my blood boil a little," says Taeckens, 36.

The book that came out last month has gotten moms talking - and much of the talk is full of emotion. "The Feminine Mistake" challenges the economic viability of moms who don't work outside the home and re-ignites the battle over whether mothers serve their children better by working or staying home.

"It hit the hot-button with people," says Barbara Fiese, professor and chair of psychology at Syracuse University. "It often hits these mythic images we hold about family life."

In the book, author Leslie Bennetts, a contributing writer for Vanity Fair, lets women tell their own stories. The stories support her argument that mothers who give up careers could face economic ruin if their husbands die or leave them and will see setbacks in their career if they try to re-enter the workforce.

The book is stirring up commentary on the Internet and in the media. And it has become a topic of conversations at moms' gatherings around Central New York.

Newton, 33, says she objects to Bennetts' seeming one-size-fits-all approach. Newton quit working four months ago to care for her children, ages 2 years and 6 months.

"I was a little upset," she says. "The way that everybody was talking .¤.¤. was like: She didn't offer a choice. It was: You need to. You should. You have to. That's it. End of story."

The author, who didn't respond to requests for an interview, writes in her prologue that she was influenced by feminist Betty Friedan's book, "The Feminine Mystique."

Friedan's 1963 book is credited with igniting the contemporary women's movement. It details the lives of women who were expected to find fulfillment primarily through the achievements of their husbands and children, according to the National Women's Hall of Fame Web site.

But a cornerstone of Friedan's belief was that women should have choice - whether to work outside the home or not, says Francine Moccio, director of Cornell University's Institute for Women and Work. Friedan was a visiting professor at the institute until her death last year.

"That's what the whole feminist revolution is about," Moccio says. "Men should have a choice, too, if they want to stay home."

Moccio argues that the workplace needs to change to accommodate parents better by offering flex time, telecommuting and more part-time work. Then the workplace will lose fewer mothers who choose not to juggle a high-powered job and a family.

Kelly Carter, of Onondaga Hill, says choice is what's important to her. She worked full time teaching in the West Genesee school district until she got pregnant with twins. She switched to a four-days-a-week schedule, teaching remedial mathematics. The arrangement fits her family fine.

"Everybody has to make that decision based on their own family. I don't think there's a right or wrong for it," says Carter, 33, whose daughters are 2. "I don't think it's fair to judge."

Moms acknowledge that Bennetts makes some good points: Women need to brush up on skills, contacts and education before they try to re-enter their field. And they may see a delay in their career, depending on how long they're out of the workforce.

Dawn Pucak, of Manlius, says reading about the book made her realize that when she returns to work, she'll have to burnish her skills and start more at the bottom. She quit her job as an office manager five years ago, just before the birth of her first child.

"It was like: Wow. I never thought of that. I think there is a lot of validity to the article. It made me think," says Pucak, 38, whose children are ages 4 1/2 and 2 1/2. "Did I take a computer course and am I going to go back to work tomorrow? No."

Taeckens had a high-level job, running a cardiac unit at a Detroit hospital and then doing consulting for hospitals before she decided to stay home when her oldest child was born in 2002.

Her job involved long hours and overseas travel that would have been tough to keep up while having young children, she says. But when her children, ages 5 and 3 years and 19 months, are older, Taeckens says she'll be able to find a satisfying job because of her education and work history. It's OK with her if the job isn't as intense as her work before children.

"I think you can have it all, but I don't think you can have it all at once," Taeckens says. �

What do you think? Want to share a comment about the book or the controversy it's stirring up? Post one on The Post-Standard's Family Life blog at http://blog.syracuse.com/family/. Or you can reach Family Life editor Gina Chen at gchen@syracuse.com or 470-2172.